Well, it most certainly doesn’t stay in New Orleans. Except maybe that guy who hit on me in the bar. I left him there…hehe. Right. Time to get serious. Or not. We’ll see how this goes.
For those of you who have been reading here for a while, you’ve probably realized that I’ve been struggling for a while. Not just with my writing, but with life in general. I got overwhelmed. I got depressed. I was trying to be Wonder Woman and it just wasn’t happening. I was 100% in survival mode. Then, along came Russell. Some of you may know that we’ve been working together for years and he was always someone I looked up to because he was doing what I wanted to do, but was honestly too afraid to do. Annnnyway, he messaged me about a conference that he had founded (along with the amazing Monica) and he said he wanted me there. He probably doesn’t know this, but I think I actually snorted and thought he was crazy. This is where the big leagues were hanging out and I’m not even minor league. Still, he kept posting about it and his posts were resonating with me. Pretty soon, there was this niggling thought that maybe I should be there too.
Then, as if that wasn’t enough, my beautiful friend and client, Phoebe, started telling me how it had been lifechanging for her last year to be among this same group of people. Damn. My resolve that I sucked too much to attend was wearing down. Long story not even a little bit short? They convinced me and even though I went in thinking I was in over my head, I went.
I could break this down into all the days, but I really just want to focus on what I took away with me from this one week in the “big city.” I posted some of this to Facebook, but it’s been a few days since I returned home and I’m going to start “fresh” here with my thoughts. Just be warned that there may be crossover.
You know what? Let’s start with what I left behind. I left behind a lot of insecurities and self-doubt. Going in, I was like 3rd grade basketball. Coming out? Oh, I’m still there, but I now believe I can go pro. I have plans and damned if I’m not excited to put them into action. I can’t seem to stop myself from exploring new options and being all like omg, I’m doing this! I’ve got this!
Now, what did I take with me? I don’t suck. That may seem so obvious to some of you, but it’s like this whole new revelation to me. Every single person I met there was awesome. They all met me right where I was and lifted me up. Russell talked about locks and keys and that was a huge one for me. I don’t suck. I’m awesome. Not only can I do this, I am doing this.
Exhaustion. Oh my god, I did not sleep enough while in New Orleans. I had to stop on the drive home because I was falling asleep at the wheel. Don’t do that. I know better. Next time tell yourself that it’s okay to nap and then do it!
People like me. At no point did I get a vibe from anyone that I was annoying or needed to be somewhere else. Heck, people would see me sitting alone at a table and seek me out. That was so good for my self-confidence and self-esteem. Did I tell you that because this happened, I’m now co-authoring a book with like four other people? Will it be weird? Yep. Will it be all of us? Yep. Before we’d even left the conference, there was a Google doc already in existence for us to keep track of ideas.
So, did I freak out that I was doing this? Hell yes. Shout out to my closest for letting me talk through it and listening while I had mini meltdowns. I am forever blessed to have these people in my life. Would I do it all over again? I’ll say hell yes, but y’all know I’m thinking of a different word. It was worth every worry, every freak out, every danged penny. If I could, I’d ask about a layaway plan for next year, but I’m determined to be so awesome that I don’t even need that.
What does this mean for all of you? New editions, new purchasing options, new books…and me being badass.
Hugs and kisses!
Katrina