February 19, 2025

On Feeling Overwhelmed

Welcome to 2025! I went to bed last night with my head filled with thoughts of everything that I needed to do this year. That was a mistake. It led to me waking up with a headache and feeling completely overwhelmed. If you know me, you know I don’t do change well and well, 2025 is all about change. It’s about me acknowledging that my children aren’t children anymore. They’re adults now with adult lives. They have jobs and their own places to live. Ben is my last one at home and I’ve been clinging to my identity as mom instead of embracing the fact that I’ve done a darned good job as a mom to have them be so independent and confident in their lives.

Instead of focusing on what I can do, what I can control, I’ve been focused on the negative what ifs. I’m going to break these down for all of you…and for me. Sometimes the best thing I can do when I’m feeling overwhelmed and afraid is to let the what if game play out.

Fear #1

  • What if I fail at improving my place as an author/editor?
    • Okay, so what if I do? I won’t be any worse off than I am now and even though that’s pretty dire, I have to have faith that I’ll survive.
  • What if I succeed at improving in both of those areas?
    • Yes, this is a real fear. Isn’t that crazy? What’s the worst thing that could happen? I lose a few “friends” because I’m doing better? Friends is in quotes because deep down I know that those who really love me aren’t going anywhere. They’re the ones encouraging me to do this. So, what else? I actually have the money to buy feminine hygiene products when I need them? Yes, this has happened because of how bad things are. Beyond that, I don’t have to worry about where our next groceries are coming from? Seems pretty crazy to be afraid of progress…
  • What if we suddenly have to move and I don’t have the money to get a new place?
    • Okay, this one is serious. It’s a very real threat. This past year has drained my savings down to nothing. I’m on borrowed time where we live. There’s no easy answer for this other than other things have to change so that we’ll be okay.
  • What if people get tired of me talking about how much I’m struggling?
    • Woo boy…this is a big one. I’m so afraid of being 100% me even around those who know me and who care about me. I think it’s part of that fake it til you make it mentality that so many of us have pushed into our brains. I’ve been afraid to say hey, my life is hard and I’m struggling. I don’t know how to fix it on my own. Please help. This one is tough. I’ve spent my entire time as a mom teaching my kids that if they need help to ask for it. Yet now, when I probably need it the most, I’m afraid to ask.

So what do I do about all of these?

  • I follow my goals posts. They’re not the perfect plan, but they’re a start. Will some of them cost money I don’t have? Yep. Will I be “forced” to invest more in myself this coming year? Yep. That may mean I somehow sacrifice more to get the books, programs, and other things that I need. I’m not sure what sacrifices there are to be made, but if I can find them, I’ll have to make them.
  • I ask for help. I reach out to those who know better than I do. I ask for their support. I suck it up, buttercup and admit that things are more dire than I’ve let on. If anyone is “tired of hearing about it,” I have to be okay with them walking away.
  • I stay me. I didn’t put this above, but part of me is afraid that if I focus on me in 2025, I won’t have enough of me left to be there for others. I don’t want to feel selfish or to be considered so. I guess this comes down to core values for me and the fact that I live to “serve” others. If you’re part of my inner circle, I’d do anything for you and the reality is that I don’t see that changing and again, those are the people who are encouraging me to take chances on myself.

So, that’s my 2025 Day 1. Some of you may be wondering why I’m sharing all of this with you. Because someone once told me that I need to stop hiding. It’s 2025 and it’s time for me and if that means being a little more vulnerable, a little more honest, and a little more real, then I’m going to have faith that those who love me and those who follow me are going to stick with me and it’s going to be a good year. Change doesn’t have to be bad and that’s the lesson I need to hold onto.